It’s Sunday around 9 am. I woke up, fed the cats, checked my blood sugar, and ate breakfast.
I often watch a YouTube video while eating breakfast. Today, I lit a candle and enjoyed the peace.
It started snowing yesterday and turned to freezing rain overnight.
We have two inches of snow on the ground, trees, and everything else, covered by 1/4 inch of ice.
Why I’m Feeling Calm
There are several reasons I’m feeling calm this morning.
Most importantly, it’s Sunday morning, and there’s an ice storm. I’m not going out today.
There’s no sense of urgency.
Why I Really Feel Calm
I’m calm because I didn’t think about naysayers once yesterday.
Due to life circumstances, I’ve been around a naysayer, and it’s been affecting me.
What is a Naysayer?
A naysayer is a person who seeks to bring others down.
These are not one-off comments made by mistake. They are repeated attempts to make you ‘less than’ them.
A few weeks ago, I was with a Naysayer I’ve known all my life. Nothing had changed since childhood.
Nothing.
My feeling of calm also comes from recognizing this person’s behaviour has nothing to do with me.
In addition, I know that no matter what I do or say, this person will continue with the abuse.
What to do when around Naysayers
When Naysayers come along, do your best to ignore them.
If you must, look them in the eye, say, “I’m aware we don’t share the same opinion.”, and keep on keeping on.
Don’t change anything in response to the Naysayers. Don’t speed up, don’t slow down.
Don’t justify, argue, defend, or explain (JADE).
Keep on keeping on.
Take a few deep breaths and remember that someone who cared for you wouldn’t act like that.
The Telltale Signs of a Naysayer
When in public, Naysayers attack others covertly to avoid accountability.
It’s always a passive-aggressive comment or ‘joke.’
Naysayers abuse people they know and put on a mask of friendliness to strangers.
If you react to the constant attacks by Naysayers, they’ll ask, “What’s wrong with you?”
It’s called reactive abuse.
Why Naysayers are so draining
Recharging after being around a Naysayer can take me hours, days, or weeks.
The reason is that their words and actions don’t match. They say they’re ‘joking’ but their jokes put others down.
I’ll go a step further and say a naysayers words and emotions don’t match. They say they’re joking, but their tone is condescending, not joyful.
Your brain works tirelessly to figure out what’s missing.
It’s empathy.
Naysayers use empathy as a tool to manipulate; it’s never genuine.
Naysayers Are a Problem With No Solution
My mind has been ruminating, trying to solve an unsolvable problem.
I’ve lost sleep and focus.
Yesterday, for a moment, the Naysayer never crossed my mind. Being in the moment was pure bliss.
There’s no way to solve Naysayers or get them to see the light.
They have been stuck in the same pattern since childhood, controlling or withdrawing from every situation.
Naysayers point to others’ perceived flaws so that others don’t see their most glaring flaw.
Naysayers don’t like themselves.
My Mind Tries to Process Two Things.
First, why would someone do something like that?
Have you ever met someone content with life who constantly puts others down?
Second, how do I make them understand how wrong their behavior is?
What is the solution to Naysayers
I vow to start setting boundaries and saying, “No, thank you.”
I expect the usual reply from the Naysayers, “You’re being too sensitive,” or “It was just a joke.”
I won’t discuss what is or isn’t a joke or how sensitive I should be.
I’ll stay calm no matter how much the Naysayer provokes me, and they will.
I’ll calmly walk away if they want to argue, debate, or continue insulting me.
In Conclusion
How a naysayer behaves has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you.
The irony is that a naysayer makes you responsible for their behavior. A classic line from a naysayer is, “If you hadn’t _____, then I wouldn’t have had to.”
You’re not responsible for others’ behaviour.
We cannot control the situations we find ourselves in. However, we can control how we respond to those situations.
Stop accepting narcissists and naysayers baggage and move forward with life knowing any time around you will bring nothing but more of of the same.